I'm gonna praise Him...

And in the spirit of not growing weary while doing the great work of raising my children, today I celebrate that after the battle that bedtime often is, we've had two nights in a row of a much smoother, more peaceful experience!

It's amazing what happens when I let go of my stubborn self and seek God's guidance in even the little things and then listen and act.  He reminded me once again that the to-do list might seem gigantic, but spending time with Him needs to be at the top every day.  And doing too many things on it at one time doesn't lead to things being done faster, just everything taking longer and leading to more frustration for all involved.

Praise God!

Fill Me Up

This was the chorus of one of the songs we sung in worship yesterday and replayed over and over in my head this evening.  Bedtime is rarely a smooth affair in my house and tonight was one of the rough ones.  I was frustrated-- trying to do to many things at one time, asking too much of my kids, and had reached the end of what I felt I had to give to the whole situation.  So I stopped right in the middle of it all to take a deep breath and realized I needed much more than that.

Standing in the living room, I closed my eyes and prayed hard in my head.  "Lord, I can't find more patience at the moment, I don't have what I need to give to the kids right now.  I need you.  Please replace the frustration with peace."  And then I was able to take that deep breath and finish bed time without raising my voice, without hurtful words, without anger.  I slowed down and took the time to give Basil the one on one cuddle time that she needed from me and I think we were both blessed.  I stopped trying to do too many things and spent focused time with Bug, ending the whole process much more positively than it began.  I expected to get both kids to bed and collapse feeling completely drained; instead, I feel and full to the brim, even overflowing with peace that only comes from Jesus.  I am so appreciative again of my Lord who meets me right where I am, just when I call.

And the highlight of that experience was hearing my son tell my husband, "She was praying, Dad." shortly after I walked away to help Basil get pajamas on for bed.  I didn't hear what was said first so I don't know the context, but I LOVE that Bug recognized what I was doing.  We talk a lot about stepping back when you are frustrated and praying when you need help, but I know that actions speak volumes more.  So, while teaching my son wasn't my intent in the moment, it fills me up even more to know that he immediately thought that's what I would be doing when I was clearly overwhelmed.  It's a beautiful reminder of what we teach our kids in our actions and an encouragement all in one.

Only Hope

My sweet Bug has never been one of those "easy" kids.  He's a lot of fun and a joy to be around, but definitely not easy.  We've learned a lot as he's grown about what makes him tick - what's almost guaranteed to be challenged, what's likely to go somewhat smoothly.  But, for a while there, it felt like most of our daily routine was in the almost guaranteed to be challenged category, whether it was food, speaking at a reasonable volume level, or any number of other things throughout the day.  It was exhausting!  The good news is that it drove to my knees seeking God's wisdom because I could not figure it out and I was so discouraged and worried about discouraging him in my frustration.  Some days it felt like we'd never get to the point where our days were not made up of a series of mini battles.  But, there is always HOPE.  The past couple of months have been calmer.  It felt like it just happened one day, though I realize that it was actually small improvements day by day.  While I was marveling over this a few weeks ago, God so kindly told me to remember this.  I know that it's a season and not a permanent change and that it is an answer to so many prayers and a reminder of the incredible hope that we find in the Lord.

One thing that really encouraged me last winter was reading the e-book Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin and participating in some great discussion with others moms during a study they hosted on Facebook. It's time for 7 More Days of Hope and this time it's being hosted by a range of different blogs and I'm so excited to join in again at Blessedtobeblessings.com with other mamas who work outside the home. Check out M.O.B. Society or MODsquad to find the right group for you.

Volume

Some days, it feels like the volume of my house is permanently set on LOUD.  And it's not that we're screaming at each other or anything like that.  Conversations are just happening across rooms instead of next to each other.  Reminders and announcements (time to clean your room, almost time to go, use kind words...) are being called down the hall instead of being delivered face to face.  And when my son or daughter shouts at us from another room rather than coming to get one of us for help, it drives me crazy.  And then of course came the moment earlier this week when I realized just how often I do the opposite of what I repeatedly ask the kids to do.  I will never forget my frustration as a kid being told to "Do as I say, not as I do" by an adult.  And now I catch myself doing those same things that used to make me so frustrated in my home growing up.  Those generational things can really sneak up on you!

And I see the volume spreading from those things to how the kids react when they disagree or Bug trying to argue with me or his dad.  I know that my reactions are a huge part of either helping lessen the problem or making it worse and have been praying about how to have a quieter house.  Or to be more accurate, a home where the loudest noises are the joyful noises.

Then today I had one of those light bulb moments where something I've known before and heard in various ways just clicked.  God reminded me that when He really wants my attention, He calls me to be still and whispers into my heart what it was that I needed from Him in that moment.  Be it encouragement or gentle reminders, I hear the whispers.  And that's a way that I think I can make a big impact in the volume in this house.  When I need the kids to hear me, I need to wade into whatever the situation is and get down to their level (something I generally do eventually, but not as a first response) and speak quietly into the moment.  It can be inconvenient (especially at those moments when dinner is on the stove and there's a very smart hound lurking around waiting for me to walk away from the kitchen), but I know that it will be worth it in the long run.  My goal this week is to resist that urge to raise my voice to be heard in another room whenever possible and just go to who I need to talk to instead.  And I know it won't be an instant change and I'll have to be persistent to see results...but I have faith that with God's help, I can start to change this particular legacy this week.  Here's looking forward to joyful noises!

Pieces

I prayed hard for Bug's kindergarten teacher.  He's all boy -- rough and tumble, perpetual motion, and more.  And he's advanced academically.  As a teacher, I have seen this combination in various forms.  And while I enjoyed those students, I also knew the challenges of teaching them.  So I prayed for someone with understanding and wisdom.  And when I knew we'd be moving before his kindergarten year, I added prayers for a neighborhood with kids his age for him to play with.  I'd also hoped for a place centrally located for church, school, and work.  I was asking for a lot!  And while I know God can do it, I also recognize that the heart, I want my prayers to be about His will, not mine.

In the end, our house is a farther from work, school and church than we'd really like.  But, Bug is in a great school with a great teacher who values who he is and is working to challenge him where he's beyond his classmates and support him where he needs the extra.  And he has not one, but three buddies from his class that live within two blocks of the house.  Combine that with a preschool that's exactly what we wanted for Basil directly on the way from home to work (that we might have missed if we'd lived somewhere else).  It all came together so beautifully.  As I have been thinking of all these things in the last few days, I am reminded that I am so thankful for God's control instead of my own.

Listen and Learn

Oh, the power of prayer (and listening when God answers)! Getting either of my sweet children to do anything on a timeline other than their own is an event. So much so, that I've come to dread it which I know affects how I approach things (cleaning up, in particular) making it all harder. And so I've been praying - for wisdom in how to approach these challenges, for ways to build my children up and encourage them while helping them learn the necessity of cleaning up, getting ready in a timely way, doing things they don't want to do with a positive attitude. And this week, the Lord has really been helping me recognize ways to use Bug's strengths to make clean up a much smoother experience and to recognize where he specifically needs encouragement in the process. He is easily distracted (not entirely unlike his Mama) and so I thought earlier in the week that a checklist might help him for some of the routine things he needs to do within time constraints. I mentioned it to Dr. D a few days ago and then forgot about it (I need checklists of my own :)). Tonight, he remembered and created one with Bug for clean up time and it was a hit! He did everything on the list without complaining and without bogging down. It wasn't all done fully the first time so we needed to walk him through that, but it was most definitely a step in the right direction. And when I made a point to tell Bug what he'd done well in the process, he finished the items on the list without complaint and seemed encouraged as he did so. It was one of the most peaceful clean ups in this house in the last month!

Resolution Revision 1

And in true New Year's Resolutions, they've already started to slip.  My three times a week of writing has already turned into once every couple of weeks and seeking direction daily is more like an every few days kind of things.  But when I reflect on the heart of the resolutions, it's still there.  So, I've decided not to stress so much on the timelines and stick to what mattered most in both of them - writing more often and being more intentional about seeking God's direction.  And so I make it a point to pray for Bug and for Basil and how to best raise them to who God wants to be anytime the thought crosses my mind.  And already, I've recognized some things in my son that I don't know how I missed before that have made interactions that would normally be...challenging, play out much calmer and with him being encouraged and me as well.

As for the the writing...it's harder than I remembered.  But, I've come to the conclusion that I'm thinking about it too much.  So, next step in that goal - just get back to words on the page.  That was the advice of my seventh grade English teacher and it still sticks (and I've now passed it on to many a student staring at a blank piece of paper).  Tomorrow.  Or maybe next week...