Standing in the living room, I closed my eyes and prayed hard in my head. "Lord, I can't find more patience at the moment, I don't have what I need to give to the kids right now. I need you. Please replace the frustration with peace." And then I was able to take that deep breath and finish bed time without raising my voice, without hurtful words, without anger. I slowed down and took the time to give Basil the one on one cuddle time that she needed from me and I think we were both blessed. I stopped trying to do too many things and spent focused time with Bug, ending the whole process much more positively than it began. I expected to get both kids to bed and collapse feeling completely drained; instead, I feel and full to the brim, even overflowing with peace that only comes from Jesus. I am so appreciative again of my Lord who meets me right where I am, just when I call.
And the highlight of that experience was hearing my son tell my husband, "She was praying, Dad." shortly after I walked away to help Basil get pajamas on for bed. I didn't hear what was said first so I don't know the context, but I LOVE that Bug recognized what I was doing. We talk a lot about stepping back when you are frustrated and praying when you need help, but I know that actions speak volumes more. So, while teaching my son wasn't my intent in the moment, it fills me up even more to know that he immediately thought that's what I would be doing when I was clearly overwhelmed. It's a beautiful reminder of what we teach our kids in our actions and an encouragement all in one.
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