Only Hope

My sweet Bug has never been one of those "easy" kids.  He's a lot of fun and a joy to be around, but definitely not easy.  We've learned a lot as he's grown about what makes him tick - what's almost guaranteed to be challenged, what's likely to go somewhat smoothly.  But, for a while there, it felt like most of our daily routine was in the almost guaranteed to be challenged category, whether it was food, speaking at a reasonable volume level, or any number of other things throughout the day.  It was exhausting!  The good news is that it drove to my knees seeking God's wisdom because I could not figure it out and I was so discouraged and worried about discouraging him in my frustration.  Some days it felt like we'd never get to the point where our days were not made up of a series of mini battles.  But, there is always HOPE.  The past couple of months have been calmer.  It felt like it just happened one day, though I realize that it was actually small improvements day by day.  While I was marveling over this a few weeks ago, God so kindly told me to remember this.  I know that it's a season and not a permanent change and that it is an answer to so many prayers and a reminder of the incredible hope that we find in the Lord.

One thing that really encouraged me last winter was reading the e-book Hope for the Weary Mom: Where God Meets You in Your Mess by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin and participating in some great discussion with others moms during a study they hosted on Facebook. It's time for 7 More Days of Hope and this time it's being hosted by a range of different blogs and I'm so excited to join in again at Blessedtobeblessings.com with other mamas who work outside the home. Check out M.O.B. Society or MODsquad to find the right group for you.

Running with Perseverance

And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Hebrews 12: 1b-2

That's the first verse I learned in AWANA when my friend invited me to church in middle school.  It's the first of many memory verses, but one that continues to stick and God brings back to me at many different times in my life.  I believe I learned the King James Version that uses the word patience instead of perseverance, but as I've grown, I find the word perseverance helps the message stick better :).

Yesterday, I realized that my house is calmer.  The volume is definitely down :).  It's no less busy and there are still plenty of loud moments, but I'm finding that more of them are joyful.  Yes, there are still moments where my children aren't doing what's asked or bickering.  But they are less often and generally quieter.  And when it does come up, I am making a point to go to them and get down on my knee and talk to them face to face and it's working!  Now, I must remember this and not go back to those lazy habits of projecting my voice across a room or down the hall.

Volume

Some days, it feels like the volume of my house is permanently set on LOUD.  And it's not that we're screaming at each other or anything like that.  Conversations are just happening across rooms instead of next to each other.  Reminders and announcements (time to clean your room, almost time to go, use kind words...) are being called down the hall instead of being delivered face to face.  And when my son or daughter shouts at us from another room rather than coming to get one of us for help, it drives me crazy.  And then of course came the moment earlier this week when I realized just how often I do the opposite of what I repeatedly ask the kids to do.  I will never forget my frustration as a kid being told to "Do as I say, not as I do" by an adult.  And now I catch myself doing those same things that used to make me so frustrated in my home growing up.  Those generational things can really sneak up on you!

And I see the volume spreading from those things to how the kids react when they disagree or Bug trying to argue with me or his dad.  I know that my reactions are a huge part of either helping lessen the problem or making it worse and have been praying about how to have a quieter house.  Or to be more accurate, a home where the loudest noises are the joyful noises.

Then today I had one of those light bulb moments where something I've known before and heard in various ways just clicked.  God reminded me that when He really wants my attention, He calls me to be still and whispers into my heart what it was that I needed from Him in that moment.  Be it encouragement or gentle reminders, I hear the whispers.  And that's a way that I think I can make a big impact in the volume in this house.  When I need the kids to hear me, I need to wade into whatever the situation is and get down to their level (something I generally do eventually, but not as a first response) and speak quietly into the moment.  It can be inconvenient (especially at those moments when dinner is on the stove and there's a very smart hound lurking around waiting for me to walk away from the kitchen), but I know that it will be worth it in the long run.  My goal this week is to resist that urge to raise my voice to be heard in another room whenever possible and just go to who I need to talk to instead.  And I know it won't be an instant change and I'll have to be persistent to see results...but I have faith that with God's help, I can start to change this particular legacy this week.  Here's looking forward to joyful noises!

He eats!

Bug is a very picky eater.  He has always been like that and as a picky eater myself, I get it.  Still, in a desire to have my children have broader horizons than me, I try to keep serving a variety of foods.  It has felt like a battle the majority of nights.  To avoid this, we tried a range of things.  We established expectations for how much he needed to try before deciding he didn't like something.  We try to serve foods we know he'll like at least a few nights a week and include foods he's not sure about with them so he still has the opportunity to try them.   We included him in the choosing and preparing of food.  Nothing seemed to work and meal times were becoming a frustrating back and forth instead of family time to talk and be together.

And what seemed to be suddenly over the last few weeks, he's trying new things.  Sometimes he's even doing the asking for something different.  With minimal reminders, he's tried the portion set out for him; sometimes he likes it and sometimes not, but he does it.  Then, today, the crowning moment - he tried a bite of everything on his plate without complaint and found he did like one item he wasn't sure about.  Such a great reminder of the power of perseverance, even when you can't yet see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Now, will that still be the case next time it's a new food or something he's not really fond of?  I don't know, but I know that this moment of success will certainly help fuel me to keep offering him new foods and be lovingly consistent about our expectations that he try them.  Who knows what he'll try next?